Thoughts 002

13:43
All the colors. Inside and out. They are shining so brightly. Engulfing everything their rays touch. Embedding me in their warmth, making my heart bounce. Making my nerves fire. Making my skin tingle. All of it.

The ebb and flow of human ants around me. Like the constant buzz of air conditioning. The numbness feeding my fire. Saturating the colors and heightening my senses. What beauty, what pain. Wonder, about the everlasting strangeness and absurdity.

So what are you doing if you are not enjoying yourself? Forget about the judgement and burden. Simply thrive, simply follow the movement of your heart. Simply. Purely.

Inbetween

Floating

Nothing behind

Nothing in front

Comforting uncertainty

Lost

In the Inbetween

- Barcelona, 11th of May 2017

Thoughts 001

00:39

Everything fades. The beauty. The pain. And all the shades in between. It allows for space. It allows for recovery. Nothing is infinite. 

Sometimes your heart has to break a little to let the light in. We heal. We always do. Time is the best medicine, even though it tastes the bitterest. Living means constant change. Maybe that is the only constant we can truly count on. The fact that nothing will stay the same forever. It simply can’t. 

Losing yourself a little can be scary. Realizing that you never knew who you were to begin with is downright terrifying. Acknowledging that this is part of growing up and that finding yourself will always be a part of life is a step towards sanity. 

We must be kind to ourselves before anyone else. Why is it that we are the harshest to ourselves? Loving yourself should always be the priority. It means to allow for the space and to float in the inbetween for a while, even if it feels uncomfortable. To be undefined can be daunting and excruciating, but should never be the reason to doubt your self-worth. 

I am still standing in the fog. I see the light, yet I don’t know where it is coming from. I am walking, taking baby steps, testing the waters. I am getting there. And it’s okay. It’s all part of it. Part of my journey, part of life.

The fog will lift. The blurred will sharpen. 

Everything will continue to fade. 

Tiny Things

Blub. Another drop of time just fell. Blub. And again. 

Rather exciting, don’t you think? We are constant witnesses of history, which we get to create. We are in power. Only of our own lives, but still, how great is that? We get one whole lifetime - how ever long or short that may be - to create our own story. 

Granted, some aspect of this story are given, but whatever you choose to do with what you are given is up to you. And yes, this is all very cliché ‚what are you going to do with the cards you are dealt?‘ kind of talk, but it’s so true! I, for one, never put much thought to this, but when I started to ponder about it I got very excited. I can do whatever the hell I want! Whatever kind of person I aspire to be, I just need to do it! This is where it gets tricky though. Wanting to be the person that is confident, courageous and charismatic is one thing, but actually doing it is another. But then again, if it were so easy, how boring would that be? 

Lately I got into playing CandyCrush again. I got stuck on a really hard level and got very frustrated, but when I did finally manage to crack it, it felt so much better than surpassing all those easy levels in one quick go. It got me thinking, if every level were easy, the game would be really boring and no-one would play it. It wouldn’t be fun, as there would be no challenge to it and hence no reward in winning. 

Life is the exact same way, sometimes we have episodes where everything flows nicely and there are few to no obstacles (and don’t get me wrong, those are the best of times) but without life getting hard once in a while you wouldn’t even be able to appreciate those precious moments. 

Yet, sometimes when you hit that really hard level, trying over and over again, always failing, you might consider to quit the game. And those are certainly the worst of times. But you should never forget that it's always in your hands. You can always play those frickin’ cards whatever way your heart desires, even if they are really shitty. I know that none of this is revolutionary, but just try to take it day by day, enjoy the tiny things and don’t lose sight of who is in control. After all, you get to build a life! 

What will you do today?